I was accused, today, of being spoiled. I will say right now that I care for the person who said this, and I know she didn't say it to hurt me. It did, however, and so far most of the day I have been examining myself to discover if I truly am selfish. I have picked apart the majority of my character flaws and here is what I have discovered about myself.
Quiet - I can't stand the quiet...seriously! It makes me feel uncomfortable in all forms. Even when I'm alone, by myself, I like to have some noise around me, whether it is the wind whistling through the trees, the water running in the shower, or the music in the background as I'm working or cleaning the house. this is probably why I've become known as a chatterbox - if there is silence, I have to fill it up.
Approval - I seek approval far more than I probably should. I believe this, however, ties in with some of the rest of this.
Rejection - I fear rejection. I can only assume that this comes from the fact that I've been rejected most of my life - first by my biological father, then by a number of other people. Rejection is something that I should be used to by now, but its something I honestly can't handle. I can take creative criticism, and I have no problem with people giving me their opinions (as long as they're wiling to hear mine as well), but when it comes to straight rejection, especially when its rejection for absolutely no reason, I honestly can not handle it.
Self-esteem - sucks. 'nuff said.
Needy - I am extremely needy when it comes to Scott. My mom wasn't a touchy-feely person, and I can honestly count on one hand the amount of times she's given me a hug that I didn't instigate. I don't know if its because of that or what, but I am very needy when it comes to being touched. I crave Scott's touch whenever he is standing near me, which I know is a bad position to put him in, but there it is.
Lazy - I'll be the first to say that I can be lazy, and that I can be easily distracted as well (sometimes I seek distraction - for instance when you're working, it's not a good idea to put your IM on and hope that someone comes on to bug you). But yes, I can be lazy. I have to motivate myself to clean the house, ect. I also tend to do better when I'm on the downhill slope of a deadline, but I've always been that way, just ask my friends. The work turns out better as well.
Overprotective - I know I'm a bit overprotective when it comes to my kids. I'm constantly worried, however, that something will happen to them. Call me neurotic, but I worry all the time that I'll miss something and that they'll no longer be here. I am slightly overprotective, but not extremely overprotective. Then again, I believe I'd rather be overprotective than underprotective.
In all of my picking apart, and trust me, I got down to the bare bones about it, I can't see anything that says that I'm spoiled or ever have been. Yes, I'm an only child, but my mom was a single mom, and had to work her butt off in order to be able to pay the bills. I didn't have tons of new clothes, I didn't have designer things in my bedroom, ect. I got mad at my mother more than once because she wouldn't buy me a car like some of the other moms would - she couldn't even afford to match any money I raised. I could, however, drive her car, as long as I made my insurance payments four times a year. I never went to my prom because I knew that my mom would have a hard time affording it (not like anyone asked me anyway), and I have paid for my own college education.
This really bothered me, so I asked a good friend who has known me since high school. "Spoiled?" she asked, "well, the part about you being an only child is right, and I can see how that made it more difficult for you to deal with conflict-resolution problems, but spoiled? No, I've never seen you as spoiled."
Even Scott assumed that since I was an only child I was spoiled, but he's learned that due to the circumstances I definitely wasn't spoiled.
But its comments like those that were left here by the well-meaning person that make me think half the time that I'm crazy. It makes me believe that I should sit back and stay quiet, like a servant who is simply here to care for her "master". I'm not perfect, but neither is Scott, and he agrees 100% with me.
Have you ever taken the time to list out your faults? On paper? Maybe more of us should do so, because it is a really good way to see exactly who you are.
Rejection has been all around me lately, so it makes sense that I've been in a bit of a bad mood, and even though this person asks, in a round about way, that I leave my marital spats off of my blog, I am going to refuse to do that. As the name says - if you can't say something nice, come sit by me, and in our world, not everything is nice. I can't change the oil or housing crisis, but I can ensure that I and my children are happy.
Quiet - I can't stand the quiet...seriously! It makes me feel uncomfortable in all forms. Even when I'm alone, by myself, I like to have some noise around me, whether it is the wind whistling through the trees, the water running in the shower, or the music in the background as I'm working or cleaning the house. this is probably why I've become known as a chatterbox - if there is silence, I have to fill it up.
Approval - I seek approval far more than I probably should. I believe this, however, ties in with some of the rest of this.
Rejection - I fear rejection. I can only assume that this comes from the fact that I've been rejected most of my life - first by my biological father, then by a number of other people. Rejection is something that I should be used to by now, but its something I honestly can't handle. I can take creative criticism, and I have no problem with people giving me their opinions (as long as they're wiling to hear mine as well), but when it comes to straight rejection, especially when its rejection for absolutely no reason, I honestly can not handle it.
Self-esteem - sucks. 'nuff said.
Needy - I am extremely needy when it comes to Scott. My mom wasn't a touchy-feely person, and I can honestly count on one hand the amount of times she's given me a hug that I didn't instigate. I don't know if its because of that or what, but I am very needy when it comes to being touched. I crave Scott's touch whenever he is standing near me, which I know is a bad position to put him in, but there it is.
Lazy - I'll be the first to say that I can be lazy, and that I can be easily distracted as well (sometimes I seek distraction - for instance when you're working, it's not a good idea to put your IM on and hope that someone comes on to bug you). But yes, I can be lazy. I have to motivate myself to clean the house, ect. I also tend to do better when I'm on the downhill slope of a deadline, but I've always been that way, just ask my friends. The work turns out better as well.
Overprotective - I know I'm a bit overprotective when it comes to my kids. I'm constantly worried, however, that something will happen to them. Call me neurotic, but I worry all the time that I'll miss something and that they'll no longer be here. I am slightly overprotective, but not extremely overprotective. Then again, I believe I'd rather be overprotective than underprotective.
In all of my picking apart, and trust me, I got down to the bare bones about it, I can't see anything that says that I'm spoiled or ever have been. Yes, I'm an only child, but my mom was a single mom, and had to work her butt off in order to be able to pay the bills. I didn't have tons of new clothes, I didn't have designer things in my bedroom, ect. I got mad at my mother more than once because she wouldn't buy me a car like some of the other moms would - she couldn't even afford to match any money I raised. I could, however, drive her car, as long as I made my insurance payments four times a year. I never went to my prom because I knew that my mom would have a hard time affording it (not like anyone asked me anyway), and I have paid for my own college education.
This really bothered me, so I asked a good friend who has known me since high school. "Spoiled?" she asked, "well, the part about you being an only child is right, and I can see how that made it more difficult for you to deal with conflict-resolution problems, but spoiled? No, I've never seen you as spoiled."
Even Scott assumed that since I was an only child I was spoiled, but he's learned that due to the circumstances I definitely wasn't spoiled.
But its comments like those that were left here by the well-meaning person that make me think half the time that I'm crazy. It makes me believe that I should sit back and stay quiet, like a servant who is simply here to care for her "master". I'm not perfect, but neither is Scott, and he agrees 100% with me.
Have you ever taken the time to list out your faults? On paper? Maybe more of us should do so, because it is a really good way to see exactly who you are.
Rejection has been all around me lately, so it makes sense that I've been in a bit of a bad mood, and even though this person asks, in a round about way, that I leave my marital spats off of my blog, I am going to refuse to do that. As the name says - if you can't say something nice, come sit by me, and in our world, not everything is nice. I can't change the oil or housing crisis, but I can ensure that I and my children are happy.
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